It’s snowy and icky outside, but I finally feel like the sun is rising in my life. I have been packing up my living room, and I must say it looks like messy chaos, but it makes moving feel like a reality. My mom just made a comment on my last blog and said something about how pain can really make you realize things. That certainly happened to me. I knew I couldn’t take the pain anymore, and that nothing would change to help stop it. So I decided it was my time to leave and start a new, happy, exciting path in my life. I can say that pain was the catalyst of the changes I needed to make. I get to leave all that has happened here behind me, and start new, and fresh, even though it is in the same area I grew up. A clean slate. I hopefully can get a great job that I love, and that has the things I desire. I would love to find a cozy unique little place to call home, and buy new furnishings to feather my nest. Hey, there is an IKEA where I am moving now!
I am ready to feel the sunshine almost everyday, and not once every two weeks. I am ready to smile and laugh again. I am ready to feel less stress in my job, and enjoy work. I am ready to deal with traffic again, yes really. I am ready to spend time with my brother again, and be a part of his life. I am ready to be near my mom again. I am ready to be around beloved family friends again. I am ready to explore all the new shops, and restaurants that have gone in since I left almost 4 years ago. I am also ready to begin to tackle losing weight, and work on loving myself. That includes taking yoga, dance, and kick boxing lessons. I have just been living my life day by day, accepting it the way it is, not deciding to make the changes to make it better. Well it’s time to change that. I am taking charge of my life and moving it in the direction I want. This is my time, my time to shine.
But it is hard for it to be all sunshine. I am leaving the life behind I have made here in Iowa. I have made wonderful, amazing, sweet, kind, caring friends. Ones I don’t think I would come across as easily in Colorado. I love every coworker I work with and will miss them dearly. I’m not sure you can often say that you get along well with all your coworkers. I will also miss some of the patrons I have grown to love serving. Some know I’m leaving others don’t. I will also miss the flirtatious UPS man at work I have also made other friends in the community, and I will miss their company and the good, enriching talks we have had. My dearest friend who made me feel welcome in Iowa I will leave behind, and my new friend who is just like me and whom I wished I had gotten to know better I will leave behind also. I will also leave behind the married couple who have helped me and my mom move numerous times, and who are very dear and sweet. Sad, but they know this is whats best for me, and I wish them the best life they can have as well.
Hardest of all is leaving my dad behind. I really don’t want to think about it. He has been such a great dad, and I love him to pieces. I hate to think of him here alone, but I know he will be fine. Plus, I can come visit! Funny I can come visit Iowa now (some would ask why) I was really disappointed that the snow ruined our plans today. We had them planned for weeks, and of course of all days it had to snow. I can see the highway from my apartment (yes, I have a great view,) and the roads look not safe fore travel. My dad made the comment that our get together should be “fun, not treacherous.” I love my dad’isms! So we must wait another week. A super bummer. Something to look forward to next weekend. So for now I will try and finish packing up my living room, and get rid of all the little stuff hanging around that I don’t know what to do with. So life moves on, and my future grows brighter, and brighter as I sit here and type.