My New Direction


So now that some things have been finalized I will tell you what is going on in my life. There has been a lot of big decisions to be made, and ones that have been very scary to make. My life just hasn’t been heading down the path I wanted. Mainly I never have felt truly at home here in Iowa, even though I have met amazing people, and made great friends. I have just always felt like a city girl at heart. After visiting Colorado at Christmas I felt this pull to go home, home will always be Colorado. I couldn’t believe how much better I felt with sunshine almost everyday, or at least part of it. My mood felt lighter, and I laughed harder than I have in a long time thanks to my brother. It just felt right to be there, and when I was driving back into where I live now here in Iowa from the airport, it just felt amiss.

This all compiled with the health problems I have been struggling with due to repetitive motion injuries from work, which made me start thinking about my life. Work has been hard, and I was constantly in pain. I believe in my last post I was a bit down about being released from physical therapy, mainly because I didn’t feel ready. I was still in pain, and didn’t know what to do. Well I saw the doctor the next day, and he ordered another week of physical therapy (PT). Huge sigh of relief,  a gift from God. Although my last day of PT didn’t really feel like a gift, it was hellish torture of lifting weight after weight. At least it ended with an ultrasound on my tender rotator cuff muscle. My doctor and I discussed that it was slowly getting better, and with all the exercises I have been given to do each day, I should make progress towards recovery within the next couple weeks. I have my doubts, without my work duties being changed I fear I will stay in the same shape I am in. Colorado still had that pull over me, but I wasn’t at the point of listening.

When my mom was talking with me she casually suggested I could move back to Colorado, and that there were plenty of jobs I am qualified for since I had a Bachelor’s degree. She said there would certainly be people I could stay with temporarily until I could find a job and get my own place. I put this all in the back of my mind, and continued upon my days. Finally I snapped though, after a particularly bad day at work I decided I didn’t want to live here, and I wanted to take my mom up on her suggestion. Once I made the decision to move, I felt this peace, and it felt so right. I was scared shitless, yes, but at the same time at peace. How that happens I don’t know, but I knew I was doing the right thing. So I will breeze past the trivial parts, but I have had two offers of places to live temporarily in Colorado, and have decided on one of them. I am so blessed to have a friend who offered me a roof over my head, and she said “you will always have a pillow to rest your head on.” I feel so grateful for her, and that offer.

I didn’t exactly have a plan on how things were going to work out, but I was praying everyday that God would lead me on the right path and let things fall into place as they should. We all know we can make perfect plans, but they don’t always work out the way we planned them too. So I have to just let go, and am having faith things will work out. The big thing I did this past week was gave my notice at work. My last day is January 31st. It is a bittersweet parting because I love all my coworkers, but I need to give my body a break and let it heal. As it is my physical therapist told me my problem with my shoulder will be a problem I will struggle with for the rest of my life. I’m not happy my job has done that, especially since it involves my rotator cuff muscle. I need rest, and will make sure my next job is much more low impact.

Speaking of jobs, I don’t have one lined up yet. I plan on starting to hunt when I move. It is easier to live in an area and get a job there. I will be getting my money back that I paid into a local retirement fund over the course of the last 4 years. That will be my moving money. It takes about a month to get it back after I leave my job, and here’s the kicker my lease is up the end of February. So here’s my tentative plan: work the rest of this month, get my tax return done which is extra money that can use to pay for things, start the process of getting my Ipers money, use February to hugely downsize my belongings, and sell furniture I don’t plan on taking, and I will probably have to find a friend to live with for a couple of weeks after that. I have been blessed with two friends who will let me store boxes in their house, and since I am keeping only a few pieces of furniture, I don’t think I’ll need to get a storage unit. So far the only thing I don’t have worked out is how to get my stuff out to Colorado. I am exploring options, and know an answer will come that is perfect for what I want and need.

Just because I haven’t always enjoyed living here doesn’t mean I won’t miss it. For one my wonderful dad is here, whom I enjoy spending time with every other weekend. We are both excited about me hanging out at his place for once next weekend, and eating crappy Totino’s pizzas, Diet Pepsi, and chips, and watching a movie on my “big” screened laptop. He owns a Netbook, mine has a “15.4 inch monitor. That is fun, bonding time for us. I will greatly miss leaving him behind here, and I have struggled strongly with how to tell him all this. He has taken it in stride, even though I don’t know if I could do so in the same position. Life takes us on a journey and it comes with sadness and happiness. This time it will be filled with both, but I look forward to it. I am doing this to take care of myself, and that is the most important thing of all. So I will continue to do my footwork, and have faith that everything will fall into place. God has a plan for all of us, and I know this is part of mine, and he will do what it takes to get me where I need to go.


4 thoughts on “My New Direction

    • So far things just keep falling into place. And normally I would be totally freaking out about all this, but I just feel this calm peace that it will all work out. I guess God is speaking to me. I just pray I survive the rest of this month at work… 😉

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