City Traffic, I Fear You.

No, I haven’t had that happy face…

So the one thing I would never guess that would happen when moving back to a big city is that I would lose my skill of city driving. I lived here for 23 years,  driving for 7 years of that time.  After almost 5 years of living in small towns where there is no more than one stoplight, people are mostly considerate, and it takes less than 5 minutes to drive across town I am in an anxiety driven panic driving here (no pun intended.) Moving back I thought I would pick up right back where I left off.

I have discovered that conversations while I am driving are a no, no. I get so into my conversation, driving becomes sort of a secondary reaction. Not good, when there is so much traffic.

This is more like my facial expression…

I am developing anxiety when I go out to drive. I am okay when I am not in highly congested areas, so I try and avoid the main thoroughfares where traffic gets bottle necked. Of course one of the busiest roads is under construction, and closed, so that puts a kink in driving. I went to pick up my brother from his apartment near the CSU campus, and hit a major jam. I was running late, and had to get him to work on time, so I quickly cut down a side street. Of course there where many stop signs, and LOTS of college students, walking, biking, and skateboarding. I made it to his house when he had to be at work, so unfortunately he was late. By the time I got there, my heart was pounding and I was white knuckling the wheel.

Today I had to take my brother to get his car at a gas station/car repair shop on the corner of a VERY busy intersection. It’s a tiny lot, filled with cars, and gas pumps. I tried to pull in one of the entrances, but cars in the other lane blocked me out. I start getting mad, and panicking. Expletives where said. I almost pulled out in front of a car, and at that point I see there is a cop at the light behind me. Great. At that point my brother suggests I go make a U-turn, which I did and finally pulled in the lot. As he exits the car he leans in and says “breath Elyse.” Deep breath in. I waited for him to get his car, and get on the road. I pulled out, and went on my way on a road that felt safe. Phew.

I am starting to feel at home, but sometimes it feels like I am visiting. I just set up a checking account today so that is a grounding experience. I feel more at home here in the house. I ended up having to put my bed on it’s frame rather then the bed on the floor. I was having upper back pain, and my shoulder was killing me, but once I put my bed on my frame pain gone. It made my room feel complete too. Plus for the tight space I could stuff belongings under the bed, ha ha. So I am settling in. I just applied for a part-time library job that I hope I have a good chance at, the posting closes the 16th. My resume is written though, so I can continue to search for jobs and have a ready one I can tailor to the job. So the job hunt continues.

In the mean time I am going to try to feel more at home, master city traffic driving, and find a job. Not sure which is easier. 😉


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