6 Year Crush and Counting

So, I have a confession to make. I still have a crush on a guy I “knew” before I moved away. So that makes for a 6 year crush. I will admit I was crushed to leave Fort Collins, and him, when I went to Iowa. Granted I had never said anything to him, but hello, but I was in love.

He is a college professor at the local community college I attended. One day I was leaving the student center, and we will call him “Mr. Smith,” was entering the double doors the same time I was exiting. Mr. Smith was a true gentlemen and opened the door for me. I was speechless at his beauty, he was incredibly handsome. Tall, square jaw, amazing eyes, sandy blonde slightly wavy hair, dressed nicely in a button down shirt and nice blazer, leather shoulder bag. Can you see how crazy I am about him? I remember that moment so vividly, it is seared into my memory.

I may have become a little obsessed. I did some detective work to find out who he was, and what he taught. I found out his name, and that he taught English classes. One semester I completely lucked out that he had a class right down the hall from me, so I got to gaze at him, and see him in the halls twice a week. Those were my favorite class days, despite the fact the class was college level math. I saw him in the halls often, oddly just randomly, not like I planned it, it seemed meant to be in my starry eyed state.

Next, he started to often come into the library where I worked. He would check out movies, and came a couple times a week. One day as one of my coworkers went into the check-in room she looked at me, and said if a guy named “Mr. Smith” comes in come get me!” I laughed, and said “No, way! You like him too.” She laughed and said yes. See, he was so handsome he had two girls falling over him, I can’t imagine how many girls in his classes had crushes on him!!! One day I was shelving and he walked by my isle and looked at me and said “Hi.” I froze, and probably looked like a dear in the headlights, and uttered a high pitch “hi” back. Totally blew the moment.

It went on, him coming in and getting movies, seeing him on campus. I never got to wait on him at the circulation desk, which was a blessing and a disappointment. I freeze up around guys I find handsome, at least I did at that time. I have gained more self confidence since living in Iowa, so I may handle it better now. Who knows? The end of the story, I got to wait on him the last day I worked at the library. It was an uncomfortable instance, no eye contact on my part, no conversation, and a curt goodbye. Blew it again.

I dream of seeing him again, and proving to myself that I can be confident and show I like him. Of course, he is probably married, and maybe has kids now. A lot can happen in 5 years. I just hope I can perhaps catch a glimpse of him someday soon. He still teaches at the community college, technical writing. My mom joked that I should take the class because they make good money. Ha, I think I could approach him, but not stand taking a class taught by him. I think I would die, seriously! So for now I am living a dream of seeing him again, but who knows? I believe in fate and I know if we are meant to cross paths again it will happen. Only time will tell…


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